So, @Kaffie, you sure don't know me (like, does someone here do?) but I've been reading a bit about your condition, the donation stuff and the 'what about ending it all?' thing. So I have a couple things in my mind about it and I'm thinking of posting them here no matter if I have any experience or professional degree to talk about the matter because, there are no cops here, supposedly. So:
I have had lot of times when even the burning sunlight on my eyes couldn't deal with the gloomy view of the world and life I've had many times before, and really considered if life was worthwhile and why is it how it is and if god this and that... Gladly, even after agreeing how irrelevant being alive is I've never done anything to 'shutdown my inner operating system' because I'm not fond of pain (generally). The way I live my life shouldn't even hint depression to anyone but every now and then I get deeply disappointed on how things go on, but that doesn't matter much.
See, I've kind of geared my persona since I was a kid to not be affective nor social; pretty much whole primary school went through and I was always sitting alone to my liking, but I didn't just hate the world and all the people on it (didn't have too many reasons to do that, there were bully and gossiping girls but meh), I just loved loneliness and in all those days of silence I reflected deeply on my understanding of things, the world, others and myself. I've been forced to do things against my will (no shady stuff, but I didn't wanted to anyway) and that drained almost all of my will during a year or so. Man, I procrastinated so hard and unvoluntarily on those days and felt anxiety becoming a daily issue but that is over. After those days I wondered for a while why wasn't I feeling better/happier since the only issue with my life was supposedly solved, well after a while I found out that, after months of being slightly angry with pretty much any non-charming person around, I went to sleep some hours earlier one night and woke up almost loving how kind people can be to others sometimes.
Still have to check out if someone vaporized sugar on my bedroom but what I mean is that, what others say may not be true but they care for you, what they suggest may not help at all but they try to help. If part of the reasons that make you feel so bad are feeling worthless and unimportant, then mind the efforts of people across the net that find you worthy enough to go try and help you deal with this. I don't know how you feel, I'm not you but I know how I've felt and only can suggest things hoping they make you find reasons worth of stayin' alive (pun intended).
I love food, all those tastes make me happy; I like programming, small and sometimes silly pieces of code to amuse me or to learn is always interesting; I don't like going to sleep but I like sleeping a lot (mind the difference). I don't like being wet (as in taking a shower, no lewd stuff) but I really appreciate myself when taking a shower or a dump, dem ideas I get at such times are 1337; I like plants, it's like having a baby and going through parenthood over and over, while not being found liable by the fate of your offspring and having difficulty set at 'easy'; I like turtles (yeah, pun intended), haven't seen some in a while but they are kind of cute, like Yoda from Star Wars.
Well, this is a start, I won't keep repeating sugary stuff to keep you from doing whatever you are to do. It wouldn't be any pleasant but it's yours truly life here. Your life, and you decide what to do with it. I don't have power over your life, you don't have to do what I say, and afaik same happens with everyone else here. I personally fear regret more than death (and pain more than both but don't mind this). Hope this aids your mood.
PS: So, all that said.. I, uh ... sent you a zeromail like week ago or so and, well I'm pretty new here so I can't go complaining, right? but could you mail me back? or better, can you add my zite to kaffiene? no hurry tho, I get you are in no shape to attend this things now but was wondering if you ever received the mail. Wait, nvm. I should work on the zite a bit more, I'd request that later.